Congratulations, gentle wayfarer on the otherwise barren seas of the Interweb thingy! Congratulations indeed, for if you are reading this, and I know I am, you have found a place where you can be elightened and enlivened.
We’re going to be great friends, you and I. Provided that you don’t show up uninvited on my doorstep, demand free work, or support regular season inter-league play in American baseball. I have weapons, and I know how to use them.
But let’s not dwell on that!
Let’s dwell on the concept of adding value. All the cool kids do it. While I haven’t given the southern end of a northbound rat about fashion since 1979, on this subject my natural inclinations just happen to be fashionable.
Adding value is just what I do.
…which is a good thing for me as well. For, while my resumé is far from sacred, it is holier than a block of Swiss cheese. If I want to continue buying gas and groceries I’d damned well better provide something so I can get my greedy mitts on some of that sweet, sweet patronage.
But let’s not dwell on that!
Allow me to introduce myself, your new best friend (see aforementioned caveats): I am a foul-mouthed, beer-swilling pervert. (And some sort of holy man, but never mind that now.)
BUT! (one T) I’m not trying to pretend otherwise.
Try finding that anywhere else on the ‘net. I dare you.
See? Your life is better already, thanks to the refreshing breath of fresh air that is me.
As if that wasn’t enough, just wait, there’s more!
(Clichés are just one thing!)
Want a sense of accomplishment? A technical tip? A picture of a naked lady? A philosophical treatise on how the saddle of a motorcycle is the literal seat of enlightenment? A picture of another naked lady, on a motorcycle?
Tip of the iceberg, new friend. Nay, the tiniest little shred of the tip of the iceberg.
If none of this grabs you, then you clearly need my help very badly and should stick around. At the very least I offer the vast scope of my experience. Check out this journal entry from last month:
A light dinner in Japan followed by a couple hours of being chased through nothern Mexico by homicidal maniacs in an eighteen wheeler carrying 14,000 pounds of Brazilian cocaine. My memory is a little hazy after that, but if it was Saturday you’re damned tootin’ that at least two hookers were involved. Woke up the next morning buck naked on a tarp somewhere in Montana, with a triangular patch of sunburn on my chest and dried blood on my hands and feet. Weather continues fair.
Diary of a Time Traveller
I have this much fun every day, without even trying. It may not be possible to tell you how to do that…
But maybe, just maybe…
I can bring a smile to your face.
What’s that worth, in the modern world?
Add value? Bitch, I give multiple orgasms to chairs just by sitting on them. Stick with me, buckeroo! You have no idea how much value you’re about to be buried under.
That is the truth, and the
#truthridesamotorcycle