So you want to be create a villain, super- or otherwise, and that is a wonderful thing, on which I congratulate you. Villainy is not only a noble calling, but a vital one, for without the unceasing efforts of those who strive to strike at the heart of all that is socially acceptable, then life itself would not be worth living. For not only does a good villain add brown sugar and cinnamon to the dripping grey oatmeal of daily existence, no altruist ever accomplished anything, ever. Progress is, always has been, and always will be, driven solely by megalomania.
Megalomania in turn is driven by greed, selfishness, and an all-encompassing lust for recognition. The sorts of virtues that the unwashed masses rage against, yet thrive on in social media. Relatability helps make a villain good.
Without villains, heroes wouldn’t amount to much. Would Batman™ have had a ninety-year run and multiple adaptations into multiple media if all he had to do was rescue cats stuck in trees? As Rene Descartes remarked right before he disappeared, “I think not.”
But we’re not talking about heroes, thank badness, we’re talking about villains. That discussion cannot even begin without its most important element.
Now, you might be thinking “tragic origin story,” “ultra-fancy costume,” “secret sewer lair beneath the streets of Chicago,” or something along those lines.
These things are very important, so you might be forgiven for thinking such things. By someone else.I will not forgive you. Seriously, did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?
I must educate you about the one thing that is more important to villainy than all of those previously-mentioned things, or any other things, put together.
That thing, is a Word.
That Word, is fool.
There was never a villain born or made who did not have the word “fool” as a staple of his/her/its primary vocabulary.
I’d give you some prime examples but they’re all horribly dated you’ve already thought of half a dozen, now that I’ve mentioned it. All of your favorite baddies use the word fool at least once an episode/hour/chapter.
It is a convenient shorthand for the eminent superiority of the villain to the common man, and to the so-called “hero.” (Or “heroine.” Villainy does not discriminate in its superiority.)
To illustrate the point, one can tell just how angry and frustrated a Good Guy™ is if s/he/it calls someone a “fool.” Doing so comes scandalously close to violating the Hero’s Code. That is how central to do-badderism those four letters are. They are the hallmark of a negative mindset, a negative emotion, a polar opposition to all the things that are generally seen to be “good.”
Fool. One Word, that opens the vista of villainy.
Okay, calm your secondary genitalia down, you don’t know everything yet. There is another thing of vital importance to carry with you always:
Adjectives.
Do not, under any circumstances or for any reason, forget the adjectives. They are the pumping heart to the life’s blood that is the Word “fool.”
Henchmen aren’t just fools, they’re blundering fools.
The imbeciles who failed to recognize the villain’s genius in his/her tortured past are small-minded fools.
And, of course, what is the hero/ine?
That’s right, a meddling fool!
Did I hold up a cue card? Hell no. You saw that one coming several paragraphs ago.
I can hear a demoniac chorus from all the damned souls in all the deepest recesses of Hell itself, baying like wounded, starving hounds the phrase, “But Steve, that’s the problem.”
This usually means I need to dial it back a tad on the nickel a gallon tequila, before getting on with my life. This time, however, I’m going to respond to those voices because by a truly astounding coincidence, for once they’re bringing up a valid point.
The point is not that the use of the word “fool” has become clichéd and therefore problematic, it is that there is no problem in a clichéd villain.
Remember: at its core, villainy is ironic.
Those who most want to rule are always the people least capable of administering so much as a lemonade stand.
Those most enamored of their genius are always the people who need several tries to tie their own shoes.
And those most braggadocious of their imagination couldn’t come up with an original thought if you locked them in a box for a week with nothing to eat but LSD-coated peyote buttons.
Any villain worthy of the name will fit least two of these descriptions, because villainy is the art of deliberate overcompensation for a metric shit-ton of inadequacy.
Irony and insecurity combined explain, nay, demand of the villain a habit of speaking almost exclusively in clichés:
- Irony, that someone so keen on demonstrating superiority would resort to communicating in someone else’s pre-digested ideas
- Insecurity, in that there is inherent comfort in knowing that whatever is being said has already been so accepted that it is anticipated. No risk, you see.
Irony and insecurity are the two legs holding up the offering table of every would-be world-beater.
And a table with only two legs is bound to fall over, sooner or later.
Which is the point of a villain.
So go ahead and ham it up. All those Bad Guys™ you thought of earlier? Their being clichéd is one of the reasons you remember them. That woeful yet wonderful unoriginality not only provides all villains with a shared DNA of sorts, it also gives the protagonist a quick, easy and inexpensive avenue for delivering a cutting remark or three, which is a hallmark of heroism.
Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with stepping outside the box and giving your baddie a unique, original thought or concept once in a while. That will add depth, which is almost always a good thing.
Just make sure your victims readers don’t drown in something that’s too deep for them.
…the illiterate fools.